a little Jen on a plane and a big God!

The Bible says that the foolishness of God is greater than the greatest wisdom of man. When many people think of God, they imagine a disconnected 'being' out there in a realm known to us as a place called heaven. They imagine that this big invisible God is has big problems to fix in the world and we consider it foolish to think that this big God is concerned with our everyday lives. Today I experienced just how much God loves His daughter, his child named Jennifer on a little prop jet on her way to Switzerland. I am so very afraid of heights and though I love to travel I never look forward to being in an airplane. The least favorite place on a plane for me is a window seat because I will spend my entire flight looking for a screw to come loose or for smoke to be pouring from an engine, I will look for the worst! So you can imagine every time I sit on a plane I am always considering that this flight may be my very last and though I am not afraid of dying (For I am 100% confident that I will leave this life to be with my Savior for all of eternity and have the bonus of meeting my five other children) I will admit that death by falling from something high is not on my bucket list. So like any other moment on a plane, I sat down and out of my window seat I watched the propellers spinning and thought of my fear. Then I remembered my study that day about how we can ask God for anything and He hears us and how nothing is foolish or small and so I did. I foolishly and silently prayed that I wouldn't be afraid and that God wouldn't let me die on a plane today. I looked out of my window and the remarkable hand of God was right there waiting for my eyes! Out of my window I saw a circle rainbow and right smack in the center was the shadow of my plane!!! This rainbow circle followed us in the clouds and the shadow of our plane was in the middle of it the entire time. In the old testament the rainbow was a promise from God to Noah to never destroy the entire earth again with a flood and today I know God was giving me my own promise. I know that God told me that where ever I am in this life, His promise of my salvation is sealed and death or life or rulers or authorities seen or unseen will ever strip me of that confidence of me in His hand. Falling from the highest place will only land me safely in His arms. My little airplane on this little earth was in His hand and my voice lifting a simple fear of heights to a GREAT and Mighty God was heard and I was comforted by His promise. Enjoy the pictures because I am so happy to capture such a sweet moment from my Dad.

A moment of confession...

I've always been very careful to write the truth as it unfolds in our lives and ministry here. The truth, when I write, is sometimes carefully documented in this blog because I never want to offend the nation in which God has called us to and the nationals we know here. Sometimes there is a time for truth that is careful but is attatched with needed warning and it's a time for confession. To my fellow Bulgarians who hold a title of believer. Some of you, not all of you, but some of you have been used to hold the ropes of the enemy and tie us up with your words and expectations. Today we are taking the sharpest sword from the word of God and we are stripping ourselves of these ropes in the name of Jesus. "These people are discontented grumblers, walking according to their desires; their mouths utter arrogant words, flattering people for their own advantage" Jude 1:16 We will not walk according to your desires and what you think our lives should look like here, we walk according to the desire of God's heart alone. If you disagree with our feet's direction, then pray to the God who directs these feet of ours. The arrogant words that have been uttered that have fallen on our ears, we will hear no more. We know the stories of missionaries who have gone before us, of all the mistakes they have made, all the ways they have stumbled, you have told us over and over, but we will no longer carry baggage that does not belong to us. We will not allow you to put their past into our hands, we will not carry it. I know the heart you claim to tell us these things is so that we won't stumble too, but beloved we walk before the Lord and claim "Now to Him who is able to protect you from stumbling and to make you stand in the presence of His glory, blameless and with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord." Jude 1:24 We will answer to Him and before Him alone we stand. We will walk in wisdom, but not so that we can impress you. The only reason we will walk in wisdom and in truth is so that we can finish the race faithful and dance before our Lord and snatch as many from hell's fiery pit as possible. I can not tell you how many times we have heard the list of who you consider good missionaries to be and bad missionaries. We don't want any part of either list and we are cutting the ropes right now in the name of Jesus. We will not attend a particular church in order to make the list, we will not minister to some and not to others in order to make the list and we will not sacrafice our family's health, well being and salvation in order to make a man made list of judgments, which lacks mercy. Cameron and I will commit to walk daily with prayer and submission to the ONLY one GOD who we follow. For those who desire to be a part of our life and then turn away and talk about Cameron's TB as if we deserve this illness for "choosing" to work with the disease carrying 'gypsies' then let me assure you that we cut that rope too. A prophecy of our Jesus from Isaiah 53:3 "He was despised and rejected by men, a man suffering who knew what sickness was. He was like one people turned away from; He was despised, and we didn't value Him." Maybe Jesus was carrying sickness because of the ministy God called Him to as well? Now I will not, NEVER EVER, discuss, have a meeting, or reveal who this blog is intended for but you can rest assured if you feel it refers to you then you can know that I have already forgiven you. For us to continue to have healthy, faithful work in this country I needed to make sure this was in black and white so that the enemy knows he holds no more power through the words of the people he has used to speak into our lives. This blog is also to help you be aware of the missionaries living in your country and the impact your words can have on how long and how well they persever in your country. Now to answer the question on so many national minds, yes we are going to attend the internation church for sometime. I can not tell you how long but I know it is for a season and the Lord will end it when it's appropriate. Why? We spent a year and a half in a field pouring ourselves out. Our children, though huge troopers, poured themselves out in their own way. We found the most fellowship we've ever experienced in that field amongst the roma and honestly have had a time of mourning with it's end. The reason that the international church is needed in our lives is mainly because of my babies, my sweet boys need it. Micah has paid a lot on the alter of living here and is in a process of emotional healing. Benjamin has spent his tender years in a field hearing about Jesus in a language he doesn't understand and only understands that this is what we call "church." Benjamin has no interest in God. He doesn't pray and refuses to participate in songs and Bible study. Benjamin needs to experience church in a non stressful enviornment and in his heart language. I refuse to work to evangelize a nation and miss the opportunity of salvation for my own children. Right now I need time to focus time on my knees on behalf of my Benjamin and now pour myself out in service to my family. I need time to help restore pieces of their lives and hearts that satan so eagerly chipped away at. As brothers and sisters in Christ I hope you can look past where we are needing to attend church and whether or not you agree, I pray you can bend a knee for us and extend us mercy without needing to be on board. To simply know that we, your brother and sister in Christ are telling you that satan has wounded and tries to continue to wound, should be enough to lay down your list and come stand beside us. This is fellowship of the body. Please be assured that just because we are not in a field or attending your church that we are not doing anything. We still stand before God and we are accountable to Him for each idle minute wasted and so therefore we work to do His work but not so that we can stand before you and hold of a list of do's, but so that we can stand before our Father and be before the throne in confidence that we are walking the path He has set before us. In the name of Jesus I release the ropes of words and expectations that tried to hold us in bondage and lay them at Your feet to burn in the pit of hell with the enemy who tried to tie them around us. Amen.

What do you see? It's most likely not the same....

"I am fat, I need to lose weight." "I am not good enough, I'm not like ...." "I am used up and poured out and have nothing to show for it." "I missed my opportunity. I am a failure." "I am too old." "I am too young." "I could never do that!" "I have sin that no one knows about. I am weak." In Judges 6, the Israelites were living in great oppression. The Midians who once sheltered a fleeing Moses, who then attempted to seduce the Israelites to worship false gods, were now the ones oppressing the mess out of the Israelites. Their oppression was so great that in chapter 6 it tells that the Israelites were making all kinds of hiding places for themselves. Anything the Israelites did, the Midianites loved to destroy. In verse 11, the youngest boy of the weakest family in his city was trying to secretly thresh wheat in a wine vat. This is a silly as trying to make banana nut bread in a Kool Aid jar. The Bible said that the Angle of the Lord appeared to this boy and said "The Lord is with you mighty warrior." God saw and referred to this boy the way HE saw him and not the way he saw himself. God spoke to this boy by referencing the potential "mighty warrior" God saw in him, not the potential he saw within himself. This boy was confused as to why God referred to him as a mighty warrior and after hearing what God wanted him to do he tried to remind God what he thought of himself and said "How can I do what you want me to do? Look at my family. It's the weakest in this country and I am the youngest member of my family." Then God said to him "But I will be with you" Do we understand that when God looks at us, He sees us with the potential that He created us for? Can we let go of what we see and say "BUT with YOU God I can do and be what you see me as and what you created me to do!" John 15:8 says: "It is to my Father's glory to bear MUCH fruit and prove to be my disciples." We're not called to hide in our homes from the enemy who wants to oppress us. We are not called to hide and try to make productivity from our home and create banana bread from kool aid jars. We have the tools and we have God, GO OUT! Tell the world about His love for them. And by God's grace try to see yourself as He sees you! This boy that I'm talking about is Gideon! He was very afraid. The first thing God told him to do, he did it at nighttime because he was too afraid to do it in daylight and have others see. He needed tangible evidence from God that God was talking to him and set out a fleece to make sure he wasn't imagining God's commands. Gideon's self image didn't happen overnight and God stood beside him as he learned who God had created him to be. Gideon ends up fighting the oppressors and reestablished a 40 year time of peace for the Israelites. Gideon could not have accomplished what he did if he had not let go of his self image and traded it in for how God saw him. What image of yourself do you need to trade in so that you can accept how God sees you? "God stands to get much glory from making mighty warriors out of the least likely people." -Beth Moore

Through the smoke....

I absolutely love love love our country of bulgaria. I absolutely love the work we are here to do and the people God has called us to. I love the people we have met along the way and who have shared their love with us. However, the medical situation here is sometimes part of the journey I wish we could skip. Without the wonderful, professional, and intelligent services of Dr.И, I'm not sure what I would do, because he helps guide us through the smoke of bulgaria's medical care.

Our most recent experience surrounds Cameron and Micah's medical journey. It's amazing how both of their medical issues are intertwined and without one, the other wouldn't have received the help they needed. Let me explain. Since Micah was slated to start national school, we had to gather documents to submit to the director for his enrollment. One of those documents was a statement from the doctor showing he is free from TB. Cameron and I scheduled Micah's appointment for his TB injection. While we were there, the topic of yearly TB check ups came up and I mentioned that I had tested negative this summer but Cameron had not been checked. The doctor said that he could inject Cameron as well since we were there. Three days later Cameron's red swollen lump showed a physical positive for TB. Cameron's blood test then also came back positive. The day before the TB appointment Micah had fallen during a flip in gymnastics. (We visited a gymnastics place with a friend and after the fall decided flipping would not be in our future) Cameron took him to the hospital and the doctor stated that the x-ray showed no fracture and to go home and put gel on it. The last 10 days Micah has continued to have pain in the arm. Today Cameron had x-rays on his chest for the TB and while at the same hospital we decided to get a copy of Micah's x-rays. On the first page it said "FRACTURE" of the radio head. Our doctor was visibly confused as to why they said there was no fracture and said that he would go home and look at the x-rays and would figure out what needs to be done for Micah but more than likely physical therapy would need to start. So amazingly Micah and Cameron's medical needs were intertwined and without one the other would not have received the medical help they needed. Without Micah, Cameron would not have taken a TB test anytime soon and maybe not until late next year when we needed to head back to the states. And without Cameron going to the hospital we would not have picked up Micah's x-rays anytime soon and he would have continued to have pain in his "unbroken" arm. So in the midst of the smoke of medical confusion and frustration, God again made sure that our family was taken care of. And to be fair, my mom had her radio head fracturemissed by a local hospital in the states.

How you can pray: 1: Cameron will need more testing to make sure the correct medicines are administered. The treatment is a minimum of 6 months and can take up to a year and a half to cure. With any long term treatment there is a risk of side effects. Please pray that his body will endure the treatment without side effects. 2: Benjamin is the only one in our family that has not been tested for TB. He will be tested next week and it is our prayer that he will be free from exposure like Jennifer and Micah are. 3: Micah will need to have his arm taken care of and he starts school this monday. Please pray that his arm will not take away from any of the excitement and learning that will fill his days.

An exciting meeting....

We had the privilege of meeting a bulgarian woman who meets with Roma under a tree in a near by town to teach them the Bible. Her story was humbling, her journey marked with tears, joy and great stories and her commitment to a people group who others say isn't worth her time is exhausting to defend. Like us, God has placed Roma on her heart and she is determined to listen to His voice alone. She admitted that she faced her own bias and racism towards Roma at one time and once agreed with many of her fellow countrymen that they are worthless and hard to work with, but God did something in her heart and placed a desire to see them come to the Lord. She knows God has called her to work amongst them and share His good news of salvation with them but deals with loneliness as her countrymen question her good sense and literally tell her that she is wasting her life. Please pray for Z and for the Lord to be her joy in all seasons of the ministry He has called her to. I feel so privileged to have shared my afternoon with this humble woman who pointed all praise back to God. Cameron and I will have the joy of soon sitting under that tree with her and learning from her experiences. She is eager to teach us the cultural knowledge she has learned from them over her years of experience and to give us the opportunity to witness what God is doing in the ministry He has called her to. Please pray also for protection over Z. Trafficking, extortion, and violence surround her and evil is also very much a presence in the area she works in. Her life has been in danger in the past and the hand of God has intervened. Please pray that she is surrounded by endurance and peace as she pours into the lives of this community. Praise God for her story, commitment and willingness to allow us to learn from her. Pray for Z and the area in which she works! May she shine the light of Jesus in the darkness!

Open Wide!!!

Benjamin wouldn't appreciate the title of this blog post as he has heard that command a lot this month as we have had to make several visits to the dentist for a stubborn root canal procedure. As I write this, Cameron and Ben are at the hopefully LAST appointment of this long procedure and problem. On the up side Benjamin is on pain medicine and hopefully this procedure will be completely without the awful screams and broken hearts of a mommy and daddy having to hold him down. Horrible month I tell you! This week I was at the park reading my Bible and watching Micah play. When I looked up I saw two South Koreans approaching me with curious smiles. They lacked the white shirt, black name tags, perfectly combed hair and bikes so I knew they were not mormon missionaries about to pounce. I was however confronted with a new religion that day. Some of you may be familiar with it but I was completely thrown off when they began to tell me that I needed to believe in "Mother God" in order to go to heaven. She is the "bride" in the Bible and anytime the word "she" is found in scripture it is speaking of her. Yes like most cults, they use one verse of the Bible here and there and completely out of context in order to create an absurd religion. We spoke in Bulgarian for about 1 hour and I invited them to continue our discussion over dinner as guests at our home. I pray they will take me up on the invitation as my heart broke over their confusion and commitment to false teaching. I have friends and have spoken to several people of other beliefs and backgrounds and for the most part I can appreciate an argument that can hold a little bit of water but their cup was full of holes and their words fell through those holes quickly. The great thing about having a Biblical conversation, actually an apologetic conversation defending the faith and truth of God's word, helped me improve my knowledge of what needs to be studied. It was a great wake up call for me to know where I stand in my Bulgarian ability to teach the Word of Truth and I found that my sword of truth was like a wet noodle that just was capable of slapping them around a little rather than being able to pierce into the heart of man. I am now sharpening my sword and trying to make it as it should be, an effective tool of truth that will pierce into the heart the saving grace of Jesus Christ our Lord. The Word of the Lord is active and I'm sure that even my wet bulgarian noodle sword can be used for His glory but I want to be a responsible vessel of truth and would appreciate your prayer support as I memorize and read the word in Bulgarian. Another cool moment this week was sharing my testimony with our language helper and child care helper, V. I told V. about my experience with the "Mother God" missionaries and was able to tell her what I believed. V. then stated, "My daughter told me I should read the Bible but I don't even know how or where to start. Maybe we could do that together." I told her that was a great idea because I really needed to learn to read the Bible in Bulgarian better and understand the different words in the scriptures. Please pray for the South Koreans to come for dinner and for V. to read and become overwhelmed with the Love her Savior has for her. "I AM YAHWEH YOUR GOD WHO BROUGHT YOU FROM THE LAND OF EGYPT. OPEN YOUR MOUTH WIDE, AND I WILL FILL IT" Psalm 81:10

The end...

There are a lot of "end"s that have taken place this summer. Some expected and others not anticipated in the least bit. The end: Micah has ended his journey in the national school and will begin homeschooling September 1st. We have always prayed that God would show us exactly when this transition would need to take place and we believe that the time is now. Micah is excited on some days about the idea of homeschooling and on other days he complains about missing the friends he has made. I feel that with this transition Micah will discover that God supplies our needs when He changes our direction. Already we have seen answers to the prayers regarding friends and activities Micah can enjoy while homeschooling. Many of these organized sports and activities will not begin until October 1st so it will take a little bit of patience on Micah's part but we think he'll be pleasantly surprised. Over the summer Micah became a very strong swimmer and one activity we know he will enjoy this fall is joining a weekly swimming lesson to improve the skills that he has developed. The end: Summer is waving his last goodbye in our direction this month. We know September may hold warm days but August is the last hot temperature party to bid the heat farewell. We will welcome cooler temperatures as the heat has been unkind this year. Our fans blow at full blast daily, but an air conditioner and a swimming pool is what one needs on the hot days =) Luckily, swimming has been an option and we have found days to enjoy the river or swimming pool. Benjamin has enjoyed hunting for sea shells and rocks this summer so I know he will be sad with the end of summer as his treasures will be covered in snow in a matter of months. The end: All of our friends who signed up to do short term, 2 year mission commitments, headed back to America this summer. It was completely expected but has been completely strange to think so many of our friends who started this journey with us are back at home and posting pictures of isles of candy at Wal-Mart =) We are so happy to know such wonderful friends who invested so much for the last two years and with their "end" we rejoice that God's Word does not return to Him void and the fruit of their time will produce a glorious reaping for the Kingdom of heaven! The end: The most unexpected end hit us straight in the heart about 4 weeks ago. We have poured our heart, time and investment into a group of Roma that God introduced us to a year and a half ago. We have had the pleasure of walking beside this group and seeing God do amazing things during our time studying the Bible with them. The children who Jennifer had the opportunity to love and study with are precious boys and girls who will always be special to her heart and to the hearts of our boys. The men and women who met with Cameron asked wonderful questions and dug deeper into the Gospel as we saw God transform their hearts. The goal of any group we work with is to stand beside them as they mature into a body of believers who will gather to study the Word on their own and then turn around and reproduce the same model of small groups to unbelievers. About 4 weeks ago the leader of the group whom Cameron was mentoring to become a pastor shared with Cameron a financial need that was not handled correctly. He sought to secretly obtain a large sum of money from Cameron and others who we associate with. After many discussions regarding this sin issue and what our stance would be on it, the leader held anger, bitterness and a foolish spirit towards us, thus forcing a decision to be made to continue our work in the field. Our desire is for the unity of believers to be maintained and we believe that as the leader of this group it would only cause division should we maintain weekly commitments to study the Word together. On August 7th we returned to the field to return the group's tithe money and other belongings for the group. After a group discussion everyone understood that we would not return on a weekly basis but would be available to return if and when questions arose during their weekly Bible reading times. We will also return to attend a baby shower for one of our friends and sweet sister. The group discussion went well and we feel a healthy closure happened today. Tears, prayer and encouragement marked the end of a journey we didn't foresee for ourselves but we rejoice that God wastes nothing. It is His ministry and His alone and He invited us to be a part of a wonderful season with a wonderful group of Roma which we will always cherish. Please pray for this group and for the leader to release his sin to God and to trust in His provisions alone. The saddest part of today was seeing how sin hidden in his heart had caused visible misery on his face. A face that once held the joy of the Lord and seemed young and vibrant was missing that joy today and instead the pain of bearing unforgiven sin in his heart was written on his aching face. Please pray for his freedom in Christ to be yearned for more than his bondage to a secret sin. How can you pray for our "beginnings": Pray that God will be the only voice behind us saying "this is the way, walk in it." May we follow His call alone and not the voice of ourselves or any other. May we be faithful to continue to walk with the Lord and seek His next steps for us. Praise be to the Beginning and the End, the Alpha and the Omega, the Lord our God!