You think I would have learned by now that my own strength and my own abilities will always fail me, but sometimes I feel the need to try it again and be reminded of my complete dependence on God! This weekend was one of those times. A little boy spitting in my face at a play center on Saturday should have been a hint that the weekend may not be as easy as I expected it to be =) But then again, I'm pretty dense. Since I had prepared very early in the week for Sunday's lesson I felt pretty confident that it would be easy and though I thought about spending time with God over needing His help, my actions displayed my over confidence. Sunday began with more children than I had expected and I began to rush to get things in order to help compensate for my lack of preparation. Once in the class room, children were very defiant and some were quite challenging. I remembered my over confidence and I realized it's just me today. At no point this week did I invite God to go before me on Sunday, at no point did I even pray about Sunday and needing His help because in my own confidence and strength I felt like "I got this" and Sunday was quickly letting me know I DID NOT. As with God's gentle nature He allowed me to have it myself as I initially desired. When the children sat down for the story I had difficulty reading it in the Bulgarian yet that week I had practiced it so confidently. The children were restless and few listened. I quickly moved on to the game I had prepared and arguing began between the children because they didn't like the team they were on. I quickly then moved onto the color activity in order to get the kids to sit quietly and calmly. As soon as we sat down and I thought, "finally things are going better" a little 3 year old decided he was a dog and began chewing my markers and growling. I attempted to take the marker from his mouth and he bit my foot and began barking at me. He then moved on and began eating everyone's art work. The calm sitting down turned into children yelling and hitting the dog boy in the head. I had lost complete control. I thought of new games to play, I thought of different activities to do and nothing worked. In my mind I thought "At least the service is only 30 minutes!" But unbeknownst to me, that day there was a guest speaker and children's church would be an hour. I wanted to cry. I felt so foolish to have taken a step in front of God and in my own strength and confidence, think my flesh could ever be strong enough for the work He has called me to do. After the children left, Cameron tried to make me happier and asked me "what do you want to do? I know you don't want to go home and cook, so do you want to go somewhere after church instead?" I thought 'Oh yes, this is perfect.' I will find my joy restored after a cheeseburger and latte from Mc Donalds. We went to Mc Donalds and I ate my cheeseburger and took a drink of my nice warm latte. I felt something in my mouth and thought it was food until I felt a "pop" It was a fly! There was a fly in my latte and it was now in my mouth! I was ready for the day to end! It's comical now but Sunday I wanted to get a tattoo that said "YOU ARE WEAK, NEVER DO THIS AGAIN!" lol, Oh the lessons we learn in the times we step in front of God. I don't think there was a fly in my latte because I didn't pray enough, but I do think that when I live in my own strength a fly in my latte will break me. My joy and my strength is from the Lord, it is not found in my own abilities, my ministry, or a cheeseburger and latte. We are to always be humble before our God and submit to Him daily and in all areas of our life His grace will be sufficient.
"Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up" James 4:10
May you be encouraged and reminded by my weekend to spend time with God today and follow a Sovereign God whose strength is always sufficient for us. He is gracious enough to allow us to step out in our own strength, only to find we will always need Him =) Guard your heart, your mind and your time and lay them at His feet.
