A moment of confession...

I've always been very careful to write the truth as it unfolds in our lives and ministry here. The truth, when I write, is sometimes carefully documented in this blog because I never want to offend the nation in which God has called us to and the nationals we know here. Sometimes there is a time for truth that is careful but is attatched with needed warning and it's a time for confession. To my fellow Bulgarians who hold a title of believer. Some of you, not all of you, but some of you have been used to hold the ropes of the enemy and tie us up with your words and expectations. Today we are taking the sharpest sword from the word of God and we are stripping ourselves of these ropes in the name of Jesus. "These people are discontented grumblers, walking according to their desires; their mouths utter arrogant words, flattering people for their own advantage" Jude 1:16 We will not walk according to your desires and what you think our lives should look like here, we walk according to the desire of God's heart alone. If you disagree with our feet's direction, then pray to the God who directs these feet of ours. The arrogant words that have been uttered that have fallen on our ears, we will hear no more. We know the stories of missionaries who have gone before us, of all the mistakes they have made, all the ways they have stumbled, you have told us over and over, but we will no longer carry baggage that does not belong to us. We will not allow you to put their past into our hands, we will not carry it. I know the heart you claim to tell us these things is so that we won't stumble too, but beloved we walk before the Lord and claim "Now to Him who is able to protect you from stumbling and to make you stand in the presence of His glory, blameless and with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord." Jude 1:24 We will answer to Him and before Him alone we stand. We will walk in wisdom, but not so that we can impress you. The only reason we will walk in wisdom and in truth is so that we can finish the race faithful and dance before our Lord and snatch as many from hell's fiery pit as possible. I can not tell you how many times we have heard the list of who you consider good missionaries to be and bad missionaries. We don't want any part of either list and we are cutting the ropes right now in the name of Jesus. We will not attend a particular church in order to make the list, we will not minister to some and not to others in order to make the list and we will not sacrafice our family's health, well being and salvation in order to make a man made list of judgments, which lacks mercy. Cameron and I will commit to walk daily with prayer and submission to the ONLY one GOD who we follow. For those who desire to be a part of our life and then turn away and talk about Cameron's TB as if we deserve this illness for "choosing" to work with the disease carrying 'gypsies' then let me assure you that we cut that rope too. A prophecy of our Jesus from Isaiah 53:3 "He was despised and rejected by men, a man suffering who knew what sickness was. He was like one people turned away from; He was despised, and we didn't value Him." Maybe Jesus was carrying sickness because of the ministy God called Him to as well? Now I will not, NEVER EVER, discuss, have a meeting, or reveal who this blog is intended for but you can rest assured if you feel it refers to you then you can know that I have already forgiven you. For us to continue to have healthy, faithful work in this country I needed to make sure this was in black and white so that the enemy knows he holds no more power through the words of the people he has used to speak into our lives. This blog is also to help you be aware of the missionaries living in your country and the impact your words can have on how long and how well they persever in your country. Now to answer the question on so many national minds, yes we are going to attend the internation church for sometime. I can not tell you how long but I know it is for a season and the Lord will end it when it's appropriate. Why? We spent a year and a half in a field pouring ourselves out. Our children, though huge troopers, poured themselves out in their own way. We found the most fellowship we've ever experienced in that field amongst the roma and honestly have had a time of mourning with it's end. The reason that the international church is needed in our lives is mainly because of my babies, my sweet boys need it. Micah has paid a lot on the alter of living here and is in a process of emotional healing. Benjamin has spent his tender years in a field hearing about Jesus in a language he doesn't understand and only understands that this is what we call "church." Benjamin has no interest in God. He doesn't pray and refuses to participate in songs and Bible study. Benjamin needs to experience church in a non stressful enviornment and in his heart language. I refuse to work to evangelize a nation and miss the opportunity of salvation for my own children. Right now I need time to focus time on my knees on behalf of my Benjamin and now pour myself out in service to my family. I need time to help restore pieces of their lives and hearts that satan so eagerly chipped away at. As brothers and sisters in Christ I hope you can look past where we are needing to attend church and whether or not you agree, I pray you can bend a knee for us and extend us mercy without needing to be on board. To simply know that we, your brother and sister in Christ are telling you that satan has wounded and tries to continue to wound, should be enough to lay down your list and come stand beside us. This is fellowship of the body. Please be assured that just because we are not in a field or attending your church that we are not doing anything. We still stand before God and we are accountable to Him for each idle minute wasted and so therefore we work to do His work but not so that we can stand before you and hold of a list of do's, but so that we can stand before our Father and be before the throne in confidence that we are walking the path He has set before us. In the name of Jesus I release the ropes of words and expectations that tried to hold us in bondage and lay them at Your feet to burn in the pit of hell with the enemy who tried to tie them around us. Amen.

What do you see? It's most likely not the same....

"I am fat, I need to lose weight." "I am not good enough, I'm not like ...." "I am used up and poured out and have nothing to show for it." "I missed my opportunity. I am a failure." "I am too old." "I am too young." "I could never do that!" "I have sin that no one knows about. I am weak." In Judges 6, the Israelites were living in great oppression. The Midians who once sheltered a fleeing Moses, who then attempted to seduce the Israelites to worship false gods, were now the ones oppressing the mess out of the Israelites. Their oppression was so great that in chapter 6 it tells that the Israelites were making all kinds of hiding places for themselves. Anything the Israelites did, the Midianites loved to destroy. In verse 11, the youngest boy of the weakest family in his city was trying to secretly thresh wheat in a wine vat. This is a silly as trying to make banana nut bread in a Kool Aid jar. The Bible said that the Angle of the Lord appeared to this boy and said "The Lord is with you mighty warrior." God saw and referred to this boy the way HE saw him and not the way he saw himself. God spoke to this boy by referencing the potential "mighty warrior" God saw in him, not the potential he saw within himself. This boy was confused as to why God referred to him as a mighty warrior and after hearing what God wanted him to do he tried to remind God what he thought of himself and said "How can I do what you want me to do? Look at my family. It's the weakest in this country and I am the youngest member of my family." Then God said to him "But I will be with you" Do we understand that when God looks at us, He sees us with the potential that He created us for? Can we let go of what we see and say "BUT with YOU God I can do and be what you see me as and what you created me to do!" John 15:8 says: "It is to my Father's glory to bear MUCH fruit and prove to be my disciples." We're not called to hide in our homes from the enemy who wants to oppress us. We are not called to hide and try to make productivity from our home and create banana bread from kool aid jars. We have the tools and we have God, GO OUT! Tell the world about His love for them. And by God's grace try to see yourself as He sees you! This boy that I'm talking about is Gideon! He was very afraid. The first thing God told him to do, he did it at nighttime because he was too afraid to do it in daylight and have others see. He needed tangible evidence from God that God was talking to him and set out a fleece to make sure he wasn't imagining God's commands. Gideon's self image didn't happen overnight and God stood beside him as he learned who God had created him to be. Gideon ends up fighting the oppressors and reestablished a 40 year time of peace for the Israelites. Gideon could not have accomplished what he did if he had not let go of his self image and traded it in for how God saw him. What image of yourself do you need to trade in so that you can accept how God sees you? "God stands to get much glory from making mighty warriors out of the least likely people." -Beth Moore