a little Jen on a plane and a big God!

The Bible says that the foolishness of God is greater than the greatest wisdom of man. When many people think of God, they imagine a disconnected 'being' out there in a realm known to us as a place called heaven. They imagine that this big invisible God is has big problems to fix in the world and we consider it foolish to think that this big God is concerned with our everyday lives. Today I experienced just how much God loves His daughter, his child named Jennifer on a little prop jet on her way to Switzerland. I am so very afraid of heights and though I love to travel I never look forward to being in an airplane. The least favorite place on a plane for me is a window seat because I will spend my entire flight looking for a screw to come loose or for smoke to be pouring from an engine, I will look for the worst! So you can imagine every time I sit on a plane I am always considering that this flight may be my very last and though I am not afraid of dying (For I am 100% confident that I will leave this life to be with my Savior for all of eternity and have the bonus of meeting my five other children) I will admit that death by falling from something high is not on my bucket list. So like any other moment on a plane, I sat down and out of my window seat I watched the propellers spinning and thought of my fear. Then I remembered my study that day about how we can ask God for anything and He hears us and how nothing is foolish or small and so I did. I foolishly and silently prayed that I wouldn't be afraid and that God wouldn't let me die on a plane today. I looked out of my window and the remarkable hand of God was right there waiting for my eyes! Out of my window I saw a circle rainbow and right smack in the center was the shadow of my plane!!! This rainbow circle followed us in the clouds and the shadow of our plane was in the middle of it the entire time. In the old testament the rainbow was a promise from God to Noah to never destroy the entire earth again with a flood and today I know God was giving me my own promise. I know that God told me that where ever I am in this life, His promise of my salvation is sealed and death or life or rulers or authorities seen or unseen will ever strip me of that confidence of me in His hand. Falling from the highest place will only land me safely in His arms. My little airplane on this little earth was in His hand and my voice lifting a simple fear of heights to a GREAT and Mighty God was heard and I was comforted by His promise. Enjoy the pictures because I am so happy to capture such a sweet moment from my Dad.

A moment of confession...

I've always been very careful to write the truth as it unfolds in our lives and ministry here. The truth, when I write, is sometimes carefully documented in this blog because I never want to offend the nation in which God has called us to and the nationals we know here. Sometimes there is a time for truth that is careful but is attatched with needed warning and it's a time for confession. To my fellow Bulgarians who hold a title of believer. Some of you, not all of you, but some of you have been used to hold the ropes of the enemy and tie us up with your words and expectations. Today we are taking the sharpest sword from the word of God and we are stripping ourselves of these ropes in the name of Jesus. "These people are discontented grumblers, walking according to their desires; their mouths utter arrogant words, flattering people for their own advantage" Jude 1:16 We will not walk according to your desires and what you think our lives should look like here, we walk according to the desire of God's heart alone. If you disagree with our feet's direction, then pray to the God who directs these feet of ours. The arrogant words that have been uttered that have fallen on our ears, we will hear no more. We know the stories of missionaries who have gone before us, of all the mistakes they have made, all the ways they have stumbled, you have told us over and over, but we will no longer carry baggage that does not belong to us. We will not allow you to put their past into our hands, we will not carry it. I know the heart you claim to tell us these things is so that we won't stumble too, but beloved we walk before the Lord and claim "Now to Him who is able to protect you from stumbling and to make you stand in the presence of His glory, blameless and with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord." Jude 1:24 We will answer to Him and before Him alone we stand. We will walk in wisdom, but not so that we can impress you. The only reason we will walk in wisdom and in truth is so that we can finish the race faithful and dance before our Lord and snatch as many from hell's fiery pit as possible. I can not tell you how many times we have heard the list of who you consider good missionaries to be and bad missionaries. We don't want any part of either list and we are cutting the ropes right now in the name of Jesus. We will not attend a particular church in order to make the list, we will not minister to some and not to others in order to make the list and we will not sacrafice our family's health, well being and salvation in order to make a man made list of judgments, which lacks mercy. Cameron and I will commit to walk daily with prayer and submission to the ONLY one GOD who we follow. For those who desire to be a part of our life and then turn away and talk about Cameron's TB as if we deserve this illness for "choosing" to work with the disease carrying 'gypsies' then let me assure you that we cut that rope too. A prophecy of our Jesus from Isaiah 53:3 "He was despised and rejected by men, a man suffering who knew what sickness was. He was like one people turned away from; He was despised, and we didn't value Him." Maybe Jesus was carrying sickness because of the ministy God called Him to as well? Now I will not, NEVER EVER, discuss, have a meeting, or reveal who this blog is intended for but you can rest assured if you feel it refers to you then you can know that I have already forgiven you. For us to continue to have healthy, faithful work in this country I needed to make sure this was in black and white so that the enemy knows he holds no more power through the words of the people he has used to speak into our lives. This blog is also to help you be aware of the missionaries living in your country and the impact your words can have on how long and how well they persever in your country. Now to answer the question on so many national minds, yes we are going to attend the internation church for sometime. I can not tell you how long but I know it is for a season and the Lord will end it when it's appropriate. Why? We spent a year and a half in a field pouring ourselves out. Our children, though huge troopers, poured themselves out in their own way. We found the most fellowship we've ever experienced in that field amongst the roma and honestly have had a time of mourning with it's end. The reason that the international church is needed in our lives is mainly because of my babies, my sweet boys need it. Micah has paid a lot on the alter of living here and is in a process of emotional healing. Benjamin has spent his tender years in a field hearing about Jesus in a language he doesn't understand and only understands that this is what we call "church." Benjamin has no interest in God. He doesn't pray and refuses to participate in songs and Bible study. Benjamin needs to experience church in a non stressful enviornment and in his heart language. I refuse to work to evangelize a nation and miss the opportunity of salvation for my own children. Right now I need time to focus time on my knees on behalf of my Benjamin and now pour myself out in service to my family. I need time to help restore pieces of their lives and hearts that satan so eagerly chipped away at. As brothers and sisters in Christ I hope you can look past where we are needing to attend church and whether or not you agree, I pray you can bend a knee for us and extend us mercy without needing to be on board. To simply know that we, your brother and sister in Christ are telling you that satan has wounded and tries to continue to wound, should be enough to lay down your list and come stand beside us. This is fellowship of the body. Please be assured that just because we are not in a field or attending your church that we are not doing anything. We still stand before God and we are accountable to Him for each idle minute wasted and so therefore we work to do His work but not so that we can stand before you and hold of a list of do's, but so that we can stand before our Father and be before the throne in confidence that we are walking the path He has set before us. In the name of Jesus I release the ropes of words and expectations that tried to hold us in bondage and lay them at Your feet to burn in the pit of hell with the enemy who tried to tie them around us. Amen.

What do you see? It's most likely not the same....

"I am fat, I need to lose weight." "I am not good enough, I'm not like ...." "I am used up and poured out and have nothing to show for it." "I missed my opportunity. I am a failure." "I am too old." "I am too young." "I could never do that!" "I have sin that no one knows about. I am weak." In Judges 6, the Israelites were living in great oppression. The Midians who once sheltered a fleeing Moses, who then attempted to seduce the Israelites to worship false gods, were now the ones oppressing the mess out of the Israelites. Their oppression was so great that in chapter 6 it tells that the Israelites were making all kinds of hiding places for themselves. Anything the Israelites did, the Midianites loved to destroy. In verse 11, the youngest boy of the weakest family in his city was trying to secretly thresh wheat in a wine vat. This is a silly as trying to make banana nut bread in a Kool Aid jar. The Bible said that the Angle of the Lord appeared to this boy and said "The Lord is with you mighty warrior." God saw and referred to this boy the way HE saw him and not the way he saw himself. God spoke to this boy by referencing the potential "mighty warrior" God saw in him, not the potential he saw within himself. This boy was confused as to why God referred to him as a mighty warrior and after hearing what God wanted him to do he tried to remind God what he thought of himself and said "How can I do what you want me to do? Look at my family. It's the weakest in this country and I am the youngest member of my family." Then God said to him "But I will be with you" Do we understand that when God looks at us, He sees us with the potential that He created us for? Can we let go of what we see and say "BUT with YOU God I can do and be what you see me as and what you created me to do!" John 15:8 says: "It is to my Father's glory to bear MUCH fruit and prove to be my disciples." We're not called to hide in our homes from the enemy who wants to oppress us. We are not called to hide and try to make productivity from our home and create banana bread from kool aid jars. We have the tools and we have God, GO OUT! Tell the world about His love for them. And by God's grace try to see yourself as He sees you! This boy that I'm talking about is Gideon! He was very afraid. The first thing God told him to do, he did it at nighttime because he was too afraid to do it in daylight and have others see. He needed tangible evidence from God that God was talking to him and set out a fleece to make sure he wasn't imagining God's commands. Gideon's self image didn't happen overnight and God stood beside him as he learned who God had created him to be. Gideon ends up fighting the oppressors and reestablished a 40 year time of peace for the Israelites. Gideon could not have accomplished what he did if he had not let go of his self image and traded it in for how God saw him. What image of yourself do you need to trade in so that you can accept how God sees you? "God stands to get much glory from making mighty warriors out of the least likely people." -Beth Moore

Through the smoke....

I absolutely love love love our country of bulgaria. I absolutely love the work we are here to do and the people God has called us to. I love the people we have met along the way and who have shared their love with us. However, the medical situation here is sometimes part of the journey I wish we could skip. Without the wonderful, professional, and intelligent services of Dr.И, I'm not sure what I would do, because he helps guide us through the smoke of bulgaria's medical care.

Our most recent experience surrounds Cameron and Micah's medical journey. It's amazing how both of their medical issues are intertwined and without one, the other wouldn't have received the help they needed. Let me explain. Since Micah was slated to start national school, we had to gather documents to submit to the director for his enrollment. One of those documents was a statement from the doctor showing he is free from TB. Cameron and I scheduled Micah's appointment for his TB injection. While we were there, the topic of yearly TB check ups came up and I mentioned that I had tested negative this summer but Cameron had not been checked. The doctor said that he could inject Cameron as well since we were there. Three days later Cameron's red swollen lump showed a physical positive for TB. Cameron's blood test then also came back positive. The day before the TB appointment Micah had fallen during a flip in gymnastics. (We visited a gymnastics place with a friend and after the fall decided flipping would not be in our future) Cameron took him to the hospital and the doctor stated that the x-ray showed no fracture and to go home and put gel on it. The last 10 days Micah has continued to have pain in the arm. Today Cameron had x-rays on his chest for the TB and while at the same hospital we decided to get a copy of Micah's x-rays. On the first page it said "FRACTURE" of the radio head. Our doctor was visibly confused as to why they said there was no fracture and said that he would go home and look at the x-rays and would figure out what needs to be done for Micah but more than likely physical therapy would need to start. So amazingly Micah and Cameron's medical needs were intertwined and without one the other would not have received the medical help they needed. Without Micah, Cameron would not have taken a TB test anytime soon and maybe not until late next year when we needed to head back to the states. And without Cameron going to the hospital we would not have picked up Micah's x-rays anytime soon and he would have continued to have pain in his "unbroken" arm. So in the midst of the smoke of medical confusion and frustration, God again made sure that our family was taken care of. And to be fair, my mom had her radio head fracturemissed by a local hospital in the states.

How you can pray: 1: Cameron will need more testing to make sure the correct medicines are administered. The treatment is a minimum of 6 months and can take up to a year and a half to cure. With any long term treatment there is a risk of side effects. Please pray that his body will endure the treatment without side effects. 2: Benjamin is the only one in our family that has not been tested for TB. He will be tested next week and it is our prayer that he will be free from exposure like Jennifer and Micah are. 3: Micah will need to have his arm taken care of and he starts school this monday. Please pray that his arm will not take away from any of the excitement and learning that will fill his days.

An exciting meeting....

We had the privilege of meeting a bulgarian woman who meets with Roma under a tree in a near by town to teach them the Bible. Her story was humbling, her journey marked with tears, joy and great stories and her commitment to a people group who others say isn't worth her time is exhausting to defend. Like us, God has placed Roma on her heart and she is determined to listen to His voice alone. She admitted that she faced her own bias and racism towards Roma at one time and once agreed with many of her fellow countrymen that they are worthless and hard to work with, but God did something in her heart and placed a desire to see them come to the Lord. She knows God has called her to work amongst them and share His good news of salvation with them but deals with loneliness as her countrymen question her good sense and literally tell her that she is wasting her life. Please pray for Z and for the Lord to be her joy in all seasons of the ministry He has called her to. I feel so privileged to have shared my afternoon with this humble woman who pointed all praise back to God. Cameron and I will have the joy of soon sitting under that tree with her and learning from her experiences. She is eager to teach us the cultural knowledge she has learned from them over her years of experience and to give us the opportunity to witness what God is doing in the ministry He has called her to. Please pray also for protection over Z. Trafficking, extortion, and violence surround her and evil is also very much a presence in the area she works in. Her life has been in danger in the past and the hand of God has intervened. Please pray that she is surrounded by endurance and peace as she pours into the lives of this community. Praise God for her story, commitment and willingness to allow us to learn from her. Pray for Z and the area in which she works! May she shine the light of Jesus in the darkness!

Open Wide!!!

Benjamin wouldn't appreciate the title of this blog post as he has heard that command a lot this month as we have had to make several visits to the dentist for a stubborn root canal procedure. As I write this, Cameron and Ben are at the hopefully LAST appointment of this long procedure and problem. On the up side Benjamin is on pain medicine and hopefully this procedure will be completely without the awful screams and broken hearts of a mommy and daddy having to hold him down. Horrible month I tell you! This week I was at the park reading my Bible and watching Micah play. When I looked up I saw two South Koreans approaching me with curious smiles. They lacked the white shirt, black name tags, perfectly combed hair and bikes so I knew they were not mormon missionaries about to pounce. I was however confronted with a new religion that day. Some of you may be familiar with it but I was completely thrown off when they began to tell me that I needed to believe in "Mother God" in order to go to heaven. She is the "bride" in the Bible and anytime the word "she" is found in scripture it is speaking of her. Yes like most cults, they use one verse of the Bible here and there and completely out of context in order to create an absurd religion. We spoke in Bulgarian for about 1 hour and I invited them to continue our discussion over dinner as guests at our home. I pray they will take me up on the invitation as my heart broke over their confusion and commitment to false teaching. I have friends and have spoken to several people of other beliefs and backgrounds and for the most part I can appreciate an argument that can hold a little bit of water but their cup was full of holes and their words fell through those holes quickly. The great thing about having a Biblical conversation, actually an apologetic conversation defending the faith and truth of God's word, helped me improve my knowledge of what needs to be studied. It was a great wake up call for me to know where I stand in my Bulgarian ability to teach the Word of Truth and I found that my sword of truth was like a wet noodle that just was capable of slapping them around a little rather than being able to pierce into the heart of man. I am now sharpening my sword and trying to make it as it should be, an effective tool of truth that will pierce into the heart the saving grace of Jesus Christ our Lord. The Word of the Lord is active and I'm sure that even my wet bulgarian noodle sword can be used for His glory but I want to be a responsible vessel of truth and would appreciate your prayer support as I memorize and read the word in Bulgarian. Another cool moment this week was sharing my testimony with our language helper and child care helper, V. I told V. about my experience with the "Mother God" missionaries and was able to tell her what I believed. V. then stated, "My daughter told me I should read the Bible but I don't even know how or where to start. Maybe we could do that together." I told her that was a great idea because I really needed to learn to read the Bible in Bulgarian better and understand the different words in the scriptures. Please pray for the South Koreans to come for dinner and for V. to read and become overwhelmed with the Love her Savior has for her. "I AM YAHWEH YOUR GOD WHO BROUGHT YOU FROM THE LAND OF EGYPT. OPEN YOUR MOUTH WIDE, AND I WILL FILL IT" Psalm 81:10

The end...

There are a lot of "end"s that have taken place this summer. Some expected and others not anticipated in the least bit. The end: Micah has ended his journey in the national school and will begin homeschooling September 1st. We have always prayed that God would show us exactly when this transition would need to take place and we believe that the time is now. Micah is excited on some days about the idea of homeschooling and on other days he complains about missing the friends he has made. I feel that with this transition Micah will discover that God supplies our needs when He changes our direction. Already we have seen answers to the prayers regarding friends and activities Micah can enjoy while homeschooling. Many of these organized sports and activities will not begin until October 1st so it will take a little bit of patience on Micah's part but we think he'll be pleasantly surprised. Over the summer Micah became a very strong swimmer and one activity we know he will enjoy this fall is joining a weekly swimming lesson to improve the skills that he has developed. The end: Summer is waving his last goodbye in our direction this month. We know September may hold warm days but August is the last hot temperature party to bid the heat farewell. We will welcome cooler temperatures as the heat has been unkind this year. Our fans blow at full blast daily, but an air conditioner and a swimming pool is what one needs on the hot days =) Luckily, swimming has been an option and we have found days to enjoy the river or swimming pool. Benjamin has enjoyed hunting for sea shells and rocks this summer so I know he will be sad with the end of summer as his treasures will be covered in snow in a matter of months. The end: All of our friends who signed up to do short term, 2 year mission commitments, headed back to America this summer. It was completely expected but has been completely strange to think so many of our friends who started this journey with us are back at home and posting pictures of isles of candy at Wal-Mart =) We are so happy to know such wonderful friends who invested so much for the last two years and with their "end" we rejoice that God's Word does not return to Him void and the fruit of their time will produce a glorious reaping for the Kingdom of heaven! The end: The most unexpected end hit us straight in the heart about 4 weeks ago. We have poured our heart, time and investment into a group of Roma that God introduced us to a year and a half ago. We have had the pleasure of walking beside this group and seeing God do amazing things during our time studying the Bible with them. The children who Jennifer had the opportunity to love and study with are precious boys and girls who will always be special to her heart and to the hearts of our boys. The men and women who met with Cameron asked wonderful questions and dug deeper into the Gospel as we saw God transform their hearts. The goal of any group we work with is to stand beside them as they mature into a body of believers who will gather to study the Word on their own and then turn around and reproduce the same model of small groups to unbelievers. About 4 weeks ago the leader of the group whom Cameron was mentoring to become a pastor shared with Cameron a financial need that was not handled correctly. He sought to secretly obtain a large sum of money from Cameron and others who we associate with. After many discussions regarding this sin issue and what our stance would be on it, the leader held anger, bitterness and a foolish spirit towards us, thus forcing a decision to be made to continue our work in the field. Our desire is for the unity of believers to be maintained and we believe that as the leader of this group it would only cause division should we maintain weekly commitments to study the Word together. On August 7th we returned to the field to return the group's tithe money and other belongings for the group. After a group discussion everyone understood that we would not return on a weekly basis but would be available to return if and when questions arose during their weekly Bible reading times. We will also return to attend a baby shower for one of our friends and sweet sister. The group discussion went well and we feel a healthy closure happened today. Tears, prayer and encouragement marked the end of a journey we didn't foresee for ourselves but we rejoice that God wastes nothing. It is His ministry and His alone and He invited us to be a part of a wonderful season with a wonderful group of Roma which we will always cherish. Please pray for this group and for the leader to release his sin to God and to trust in His provisions alone. The saddest part of today was seeing how sin hidden in his heart had caused visible misery on his face. A face that once held the joy of the Lord and seemed young and vibrant was missing that joy today and instead the pain of bearing unforgiven sin in his heart was written on his aching face. Please pray for his freedom in Christ to be yearned for more than his bondage to a secret sin. How can you pray for our "beginnings": Pray that God will be the only voice behind us saying "this is the way, walk in it." May we follow His call alone and not the voice of ourselves or any other. May we be faithful to continue to walk with the Lord and seek His next steps for us. Praise be to the Beginning and the End, the Alpha and the Omega, the Lord our God!

Summer update

Life for the Phillips family is like the picture of Micah on the mountain. The enemy has gone after each of us in hopes to crush our spirit but we serve a God who walks beside us at all times and after the storm of spiritual battle dissipates He leads us up the trail under blue sunny skies to gaze upon the beauty of hope! Micah has officially started homeschooling and is catching up on learning his american alphabet while continuing bulgarian education with a wonderful woman named Vessey who comes to our house on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Vessy believes in astronomy and luck and well next to a five year old Micah she is being constantly witnessed to about who God is in his childlike ways. For example, one day Vessey and Micah were playing a game and she said "OH god!" and Micah quickly said "Vessey, you're not God and I'm not God. There's only one God and we don't use His name like that when we're mad." Vessey understood and told Micah she would try to stop saying that and respect the name of God. They are building a sweet relationship of learning on both sides. Vessey also helps me with language and listens for mistakes when I practice my children's Bible lesson. Pray for Vessey to see past her belief in the stars and see the God who made those stars. Benjamin is continuing his learning at a small school close to us and continues to thrive and love his school. The kids think it's fun when Ben speaks bulgarian to them and the teachers tell me that they look surprised and say "Benji speaks bulgarian!" This only encourages Ben to show off and speak more and more. Ben continues to make amazing snowflakes out of paper and now has stretched his artwork to making anything and everything out of toilet paper rolls. He says he's going to be an explorer when he grows up but I can guarantee he'll be able to create amazing artwork out of anything he finds on those explorations. In ministry the summer brings our family a lot of work in new directions. This is our favorite time of year and we are excited to see how God works this summer. On Wednesday we will have our first Roma baptism service. Seven new believers from last year are slated to be baptized. Mladin, the pastor of the Roma we work with continues to disciple these individuals and is very serious about making sure they understand what christianity is. Sunday services have begun in the field and it has been exciting to see Cameron and Mladin tag team preach. The children's service has been amazing as I have found consistent help from the women and one lady actually lead the lesson one Sunday! This is a huge answer to prayer as we have told our group that we will not do "church" for them but they are responsible to learn and take over the activities for Sunday. Please pray for our summer and for open doors into new work. Continue to pray for our language to develop. Pray for our friend and summer student Katie who is living with us for the month of June and helping with ministry and giving us weekly dates! She has already been a huge blessing. Katie loves Bulgaria and is investigating what her love for this country may look like in her future. Pray for decisions in Katie's life to be honoring to God and in His direction and His timing. Pray also for her next semester in college as she will be giving us a large portion of her summer break.

I'd like to introduce you to....

I would like to introduce you to Jennifer. On this blog you will get to see the times Jennifer and Jesus do cool things because His name covers mine and leads my feet. But it would be false if I only wrote about the times Jennifer is used by God and not the times Jennifer decides to use time for herself. I would also like to publicly ask for forgiveness from you who pray for us because today I messed up.

Every Thursday Cameron and I have a date. A day set aside to make sure our marriage and friendship has time to be watered and not be neglected. Today was like no other, we walked around and talked and then sat down to enjoy coffee together. We were busy talking about ministry and new opportunities when a young woman walked up beside me and her hand was out. "Money, give me money. Money, give me money." Over and over again she continued to say this with a blank stare on her face. I knew something wasn't right, it didn't feel right in my spirit. This was not a usual situation, she was not right mentally, she was high on drugs or simply she was demon possessed but something was saying this situation is not normal. She stared at Cameron, I stared at her and I waited to see her blink...nothing. Quite honestly I was uncomfortable. After some time, the waiter came and tried to make her leave. He eventually gave up and she stood behind me "Money, give me money." Over and over again, never breaking her stare or tone she continued to say “Money, give me money”. Yes, we could have easily given her some money and been done with the situation but that's not our common practice and I didn’t want to give her money if she was high on drugs but honestly I didn't want to invite her to sit with us either or take her to buy her food from a local store. I just wanted to be with Cameron uninterrupted and I didn't want to spend time to break through the strange situation in order to share the love of God with her and so we stood up and walked inside the restaurant. Maybe this is what God would have lead us to do or maybe something awesome was about to happen, the problem is I never asked God. We stood up and walked away and as soon as we did, she began shrieking. It raised goose bumps on my arms. It was like whatever hell she is in, in that moment I said "I don't have time to pull you out of hell so stay there while I enjoy my coffee." We never saw her again. I fed pigeons today next to Cameron but I didn’t take time for a person that is created in His image. To the filthy parasite birds I threw out food and to her I threw out no life, no love, no hope, and no rope to offer to pull her out of a pit.

So tonight, you guessed it, all I can think about is this moment when Jennifer without Christ got to drink coffee on a date. Jennifer is who I am and every day I have a t-shirt that says "JENNIFER" written across it. Because I gave my life to follow Jesus, I also have a shirt on that says "JESUS" but every day I decide which name I will promote when I get out of bed. Today my "JENNIFER" t-shirt covered my Savior and it wasn't a good day. I have asked God to forgive me and now I have taken time to confess this great error to you as well. I ask you to forgive me as you have taken time to pray for us and I wasted your time.
With a humble and broken heart I will be more purposeful to use each moment to share Jesus with the world.

What life could have looked like...

During my meditation today I read the following verse:
"If the LORD had not been on our side-" Psalm 124

I took a moment to look back and ponder what your life might have turned out to look like if the Lord had not been beside you.
Here are a few of mine:

"If the LORD had not been on our side" I would have stayed depressed after losing my babies.
"If the LORD had not been on our side" I may or may not have married Cameron but I know my marriage would not be the amazing love it is.
"If the LORD had not been on our side" I would have died or been seriously injured in a head on collision at 17 years old.
"If the LORD had not been on our side" Me and possibly my children would have lost our lives at the hand of a crazy gun waving man in New Orleans who intended to take it.
"If the LORD had not been on our side" Micah and Benjamin would be names only imagined and never held.
"If the LORD had not been on our side" We would own a home in America and live out a life soley for our own purposes.
"If the LORD had not been on our side" I would have had one or many affairs and be divorced right now.
"If the LORD had not been on our side" Both Cameron and I would have brought damaging issues into our marriage from our childhoods.
"If the LORD had not been on our side" I would have blindly walked down a path of sin set before me.
"If the LORD had not been on our side" I would hold hate and bitterness against others in my heart rather than forgivness, mercy and love.
"If the LORD had not been on our side" I would never be able to tell of awesome miracles and dreams He has given us.
"If the LORD had not been on our side" We would not have become who we are today and who He continues to mold us to be.

Chapter 124 ends with this thought that because the LORD was and is on our side:

"We have escaped like a bird from the hunter's net; the net is torn, and we have escaped. Our help is in the name of the LORD the Maker of Heaven and earth!"
Ps. 124:7-8

Thank you God for tearing a net that satan had intended to capture us in. Take a moment today to think of all the ways God has torn open a hole in the net satan intended to destroy you with and give God due praise!
Some of you reading this are still trapped in the net but there is hope in the hand of mercy that is found in Jesus Christ. Only His hand is Mighty to save, call out to Him today!

Put down the RED PEN & step away from my son...

Tonight Micah broke down crying when I got on to him for not following my directions during bedtime. He said "Mom everything in my life is a red X. I always make mistakes, I don't want to but I do and I get the red X." I said "What red X, I don't understand what you're talking about?" Micah said "Everytime I do my work I always do it wrong and my teacher writes a big X on it and tells me to do it again. I don't understand bulgarian and when she tells me in english it still sounds like bulgarian. I always get red X's on everything, she just says wrong and writes the X. On the bus no one wants to be my friend I guess because I'm just a big red X."

We talked for a long time and I told him that he is not the only kid in the world to have to deal with the awful red X. I told him that daddy and I both had a lot of red X's growing up and showed him my bulgarian homework that was filled with the ink of a red pen. When I looked at my bulgarian homework it was hard to see past the red ink of my mistakes and see the blue ink where I had written something perfectly. I understood how Micah must feel. The red ink is so much brighter and screams out the mistakes you made. Micah and I talked about how we are children of God and we are not people with a Red X. Our Jesus took all of those Red X's and he bled and died for our Red X's. When we follow God and put our faith in His sacrifice for our Red X's then God puts an eternal smiley face sticker on our heart and strips the Red pen from satan's hand. The Bible talks of how Jesus is our advocate, He will stand between us and satan the accuser and tell satan "Put down the RED PEN and step away from my child!" Praise God that we have such a wonderful Savior and Lord and no longer live in fear of the Red X because we are forever forgiven.
Tonight Micah and I made the "I Hate Red Pencil Club" and made up jokes about the red pencil, mostly about karate chopping it in half. =) Though I was sad that he had been struggling with marking up his self esteem with that red pencil it was so good to have talked about what his identity is in the Lord and how God sees him with a smiley face sticker and not a red X. My prayer for everyone who reads this blog is that first you have a saving faith in Jesus. You have repented of your Red X's and have asked Him to save you. The Bible assures you that satan is waiting with a red pen in his hand waiting to accuse you on the day you stand before God and you will be guilty before His holiness if you have chosen to live a life outside of His Son Jesus. Finally if you are a child of God I pray that you are not living your life allowing satan to threaten you with the Red X's of your past. The Bible says you are a new creation and if God holds no record of wrong against you then why would you choose to hold a record of your mistakes against yourself. Jesus took our Red X to the cross with Him and wrote on the top of our paper FORGIVEN...Mercy covers all.

She has bread...the story of Elena

On Wednesday, my brother and I had two days left to spend together and I was taking him to my favorite place to have lunch. The sun was bright and I was cherishing every moment of being with him as we waited for the trolley. To my left I saw an elderly woman look into the trash can and dig for a moment in search of something. Most people assume that only the Roma dig in the dumpsters, but in Bulgaria the Roma are not the only ones who search for things they need in order to survive from day to day. Everyday when I walk to language class, I see elderly people dig through the dumpsters and small trash cans around the city looking for a variety of things. The elderly woman that day made eye contact with me as she walked away from the dumpster. I smiled at her and said hello and she already had her hand extended out towards me as she walked over to ask me for money to buy bread. I told her that I would look in the store closest to us and buy her some bread and she agreed. I was surprised that this store had no bread! I usually hesitate to hand out money but this situation was different and I did not have a choice. As I gave her the money my brother said to me tell her that “Jesus is the bread of life” and with that I began to share the gospel. I told her that the money I gave her would buy her bread today but would not fill her hunger. As surely as the sun rises, she will be hungry again but the Bible tells of eternal bread, eternal life in Jesus. With Jesus we will be satisfied and He will never leave us lacking. She said she wanted to read about this but she did not have a Bible. We set a meeting time for Friday at 4:00 and I told her that I would give her different bread, I would give her the Bible. She hugged me probably 1,000 times and the smile on her face was permanent as she walked away.

Yesterday I enlisted my friends to pray about my meeting at 4:00 pm and thank God that they prayed! This morning my meeting with Elena was all I could think about but at around 3:00 o’clock I forgot! At 3:30 we arrived at Benjamin’s school to pick him up and desired to go up to the mountain. When we arrived at the school his teacher said that Benjamin was in a deep sleep and asked us to return after an hour. Cameron had errands that he needed to run and so my brother and I sat and drank coffee to pass time. (Right by the place I was supposed to meet Elena!) At 3:51 I looked down at my watch and immediately my heart skipped a beat as I remembered the meeting. Cameron had the keys and Elena’s Bible was locked in the car. Fortunately he was able to quickly return to us and give us the Bible within 8 minutes. We quickly walked to the meeting spot and when the next metro arrived, Elena’s sweet beaming face was waiting!

I want you to understand that my language is not where it needs to be and my level of being able to hear and understand Bulgarian is my biggest struggle but somehow despite these struggles God continues to use my obedience rather than my abilities. It is in these moments I want to and actually do cry and tell God “I’m worse than Moses, please stop using me until I can actually do this ministry fully” and it is these times that God tells me “I never needed your abilities, I desire your obedience.”

Elena and I talked for an hour and shamefully I understood so little and told her so many times that I did not understand but she would just hug me, kiss my face and tell me how much joy she has. We set up our next meeting for Tuesday and we will study the Bible together and again I shake my head wondering how God can use me but trusting that He is doing something more than I can give and so I lay my obedience as an offering at His feet and walk away knowing that though I feel inadequate, next Tuesday He will be all she needs.

Yoga or Jesus

Ice is a common enemy of mine and it often waits for me to walk on it as I travel to my teacher's house for Bulgarian lessons. Most of the winter I have given ice its due victory and have taken the car to my lessons but today I walked.

Walking to the metro station I noticed a man standing next the steps with tears in his eyes. In his hands he held x-rays containing several pictures of a head. I stopped and asked him if he was okay and he said no. I asked him why and he began to tell me about his illness. When moments like these occur I know God has set up these special meetings because it is rare to find a complete stranger and dive into personally deep conversations. He told me his name was Lybchominev and began to pour out his heart regarding the sickness in his head and how it is affecting all of his body and ability to work. I am assuming it is cancer but since I do not know the word for cancer I can only convey in the blog what I did understand from our conversation. He told me of his problems financially due to his illness but that he had hope because of what he read on the internet. He showed me a picture on his phone of an Indian god who gives healing through yoga. He had research so much about it on the computer and he believes through yoga he will find healing. When he gave me an opportunity to speak I told him that I didn't know everything yoga promises to give a person but that I know everything my Savior promises. I told him that Jesus is the only way to God and this is written in the Bible. He said that he believed through buddah and other gods we can find our way to the same God. We talked about how in the Bible it is written that even though this idea sounded good it is not true because Jesus Himself says that ONLY He is the way to God. I asked Lybchominev if I could pray for his health in only the name of Jesus and he allowed me to. When I finished he told me "I looked at you and you were like an angel! You had light all around you!" I told him that I was no angel but that I am a child of God and that he did not let me walk past him today because God wanted me to tell him just how much He loved him. Lybchominev started crying and said "thank you for being my angel and I know He loves me." I invited him to church on Sunday and he said he would try to come someday. Please pray for Lybchominev (Лубчоминев)and for his salvation as he struggles with beliefs in yoga and for his health. Pray that he will come to church and that there he will find Bulgarian Christians who can better communicate the love of Christ to him. I am in tears because I so much want to share my heart without the barrier of my lack of language inability. Oh how it breaks my heart to see a need and not have the ability to quote scriptures in that moment. Please pray for my language to constantly increase drastically each day. Praise God that he can use an obedient heart in spite of a broken tongue that is unable to speak all that it desires.

The Big MISadventure!

It started out as an exciting Monday. Bethany and I were excited to be picking up the Roma women that evening for a women's party at a local church. This would be the first time we have had the opportunity to just hang out as women without children. We were excited to have the sweet moments to deepen our relationships. They say that trials can test the depth of a relationship but we weren't quite expecting the plate of misadventure that our evening had planned for us!
I picked up Bethany and we drove to the top of a hill to wait for the women. When we viewed the women walking towards our meeting place we left our spot to meet them there. Unfortunately our meeting spot is an exit ramp and I feared the cars driving past us would hit the car or one of our women. I drove the car into the snow to avoid the danger of the road and you guessed it, one of my tires went to deep. The car wouldn't budge. Bethany took the driver's seat and we tried pushing the car out of the snow. Finally a man came and asked us if we wanted his help. We had complete faith that this confident man could help us until he almost ran us all over! Praise God the car was stuck or we would have been under it. Then he did the unthinkable and drove the car forward into the deep snow. Now three tires were in deep! Two other men stopped and things went further downhill and I mean that literally! =) Finally we gave up and started walking. We decided we would take two taxis to the party since we wouldn't all fit in one. Unfortunately taxis are hard to find at 6:00 in the evening. We managed to flag down one taxi and I told him I didn't have any money and needed to go to the ATM right down the road. He took me to the ATM and it was broken. He kicked me out and left but we saw three other taxis but unfortunately they also turned us down. We walked to another ATM and while waiting for the money, it broke and shut down. We walked to a third spot and finally I got some money but now we had no taxi. Long story short, we finally end up with two taxis and my taxi driver would not give me my receipt until I gave him my phone number. He is convinced that I am going to give him a place to live in Texas and that he will live with my relatives until he finds a job. I guess I need to tell my parents that a random taxi driver is moving in! =D Needless to say other crazy events continued to occur but at the end of the day we made it to the party, Cameron and a super hero colleague pulled the car out of the snow and everyone is now home safe and sound! I am so grateful that our women were treated so kindly and loved on at the party. I was worried that after an evening spent working so hard to get to the women's party that they may meet the often snide glances and fake hellos but praise be to God they were shown love and acceptance. They were so excited to have attended and if God's love and the fellowship of His believers encouraged them tonight then I would gladly do it again, just not tomorrow! =D

Big thanks tonight to my partner and friend Beth who laughed at all this ridiculousness with me and encouraged me to push back the tears when things felt too heavy. Thanks for taking the load and sharing the burdens by giving me truth, love and encouragement in times of deep snow.

Big thanks to my sweet husband who is so gentle and encouraging. And to Jeff who gave up his evening to help pull the car out of the snow! You guys deserve a huge Milka chocolate bar and hug.

A gate called Beautiful

Acts 3
"A man who was lame from birth was carried and placed every day at the temple gate called Beautiful so that he could beg from those entering through the gate on their way to the temple."

He sits outside the gate called Beautiful, invisable but hoping to be seen,

He sits and begs and waits for help as the religious pass by this man unclean.

From the womb he has been lame and without hope he daily survives,

And he sits by the gate called 'Beautiful' watching the religeous pass him by.

The religious are so busy as the walk pass him on their way to worship God and confirm their dignified place,

The begger contiues to sit at the gate called 'Beautiful' waiting for the day someone shows him grace.

Like this begger's story in Acts chapter three,

Every day people sit at a gate called 'Beautiful' and look for the hope that is found in you and me.

The world passes them by as they sit at the gate praying to be seen,

The world sees their dirt, their mistakes and contiues to walk past the lame and unclean.

But Jesus speaks and says "You are created with a purpose, open your eyes and see-"

"Sitting by a gate called 'Beautiful' won't bring you beauty because it is only found in Me."

Jesus continues "I lift up your face with my hands and silver and gold I do not give"

"My sweet child sitting at the gate 'YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and MY life I gave so that you can live."

Every day someone is sitting by a gate called 'Beautiful' waiting to be seen,

Will you stop and tell them about life in Christ or continue to walk past the begger and unclean? -Jennifer Phillips

"..At the name of Jesus the beggar's feet and ankles became strong and he jumped up, stood and started to walk. He entered the temple complex walking, leaping and praising God. All the people saw him and they recognized that he was the one who used to sit and beg at the Beautiful Gate of the temple."

My prayer is that God will continue to use us to stop walking past the invisable and that we will see the insivable people of this world leaping as they enter the Beautiful gates of heaven with praise and the world will be amazed that the hand of God overlooks no one and by the blood of Christ EVERY ONE is beautiful. God knows how to treat His bride and his children don't sit by a gate but get to walk through it leaping and shouting the praise of His great name!

When it melts...

As you know Europe has really been hit with a harsh winter and new numbers are reported daily of lives lost to freezing tempatures or like in Bulgaria the dams that recently broke and claimed lives with flood waters. My prayer for our country is that the temperatures will heat gradually and not quickly. With so much snow we could see problems with flooding should the snow melt quicker than the rivers and streams can handle.
The group we work with live right by a small river run off from the mountain. Living by this water gives them supply for drinking, cooking and bathing but I have a concern that living so close can be very dangerous for them should the snow melt quickly and overflow streams and rivers. Above, the pictures taken before the snowfall show us crossing the area I am talking about and a glance at their homes right next to it. Please pray for our country, the homeless who are losing their lives to the temperatures throughout Europe and for the temperatures to be gradual as they increase in heat. No flash floods!

A big smile, a weak heart

We have a little friend who goes by the name of DiDi in our Roma community who needs your prayer. He was born with a heart condition and had surgery as an infant but still needs at least a total of 3 more. Unfortunately he needs to be 100% healthy before he can receive the next surgery and he has struggled to stay healthy. DiDi is 3 years old and wears a huge smile on his face but his heart is weak. You can see him in the above picture sitting in my lap in during our Bible study and also with his mother in the other picture. (pictures used above were given permission to by used on this website by the mother of Didi in order to generate prayer support for his health needs)

On Sunday, the leader of the Roma group informed us that Didi has been unable to breathe well and had grown significantly more ill and asked if Beth and I could drive his mother and him to the hospital. When we arrived to pick them up, we noticed the shade of blue on his face and our hearts were heavy with concern. At the hospital the doctor said that she believed 100% without an x-ray that he had pneumonia and needed to be hospitalized however he would need a hospital that had a cardiology department. Unfortunately they could not help him and referred him to a different hospital. The problem is that Didi's mother had previously sought help from this particular hospital and stated that the hospital they referred us to had threaten to call social services and take away her son if they returned because she lived in a tent and not a home. I can say that I would prefer to see them living in a house somewhere too but that's not the case and since we are in their homes each week I can vouch that their homes are clean and warm on the inside. She lives differently than I do but we love our children just the same and I understood her fear of possibly losing him. We talked over different options and she decided to visit an urgent care center in a different area of town. The doctor there did not X-rays and very quickly diagnosed him with a sore throat and prescribed some medicines. I asked three or four times if his lungs were okay and every time I was told there was no problem with his lungs but only that his throat was swollen and was the cause for the breathing trouble and wet cough. Our heart is heavy tonight for Didi because we don't want an incorrect diagnosis to cause him further complications but also relieved that if it is only a throat infection then we should see our friend with a smile back on his face and healthy. Please pray for our little warrior Didi and for is heart to stay strong until his next surgery. Pray that the sweet hand of our Lord lay across his chest and help him breath tonight and that he would regain his health, especially in these unbelievably cold times across Europe.

Praise God for those who helped us collect some blankets for this sweet group of brothers and sisters in Christ. Praise God that we found three snow suits for three of our smallest kids in the community at a very cheap second hand store. Praise God for the honor we have to call the people of this group our friends and work beside them each week as they learn of the unending love of their Savior. Praise God for placing friends like Justin and Beth in our life to help with every daily task needed in this ministry. Our God is faithful and our God is good!