Will I be a watchman or will I watch myself?

On a scale of 1 to 10, the last two weeks have been the hardest weeks we have faced since arriving. The enemy went after our hearts by attacking our son. Unfortunately there was an older boy at school who had been inappropriate with Micah and thankfully Micah told us about it before it got any further. We know you can respect us to allow us to spare the details and I assure you that everything will be okay, but no one wants to have to even deal with shallow issues regarding this topic with their kids. There were a lot of tears and sadness for everyone involved.
This sweet boy was adopted a year ago and more than likely has experienced some darkness in his fragile years of life living in the orphanage. Thankfully he has been given a gift of hope and placed in a loving Christian home but this family needs your prayers for strength, wisdom and healing for this boy. I am sure that as they seek God's wisdom and counsel they will rise above any of his past pains and have a mouth of praise for a Savior who restores and makes all things new!

Last Wednesday was our hardest day and after spending some time in prayer and tears we decided to get out of the house and look for a fun distraction. We ended up at the mall in a big game room and waited for our turn to play a game the boys love. While waiting, I noticed two roma boys playing with the air hockey machine with a ping pong ball. They were having a great time with their 'free' re-invention of air hockey and I would retrieve the ball when I saw it fly through the game center and give it back to them. They were surprised at my continuing to give them their ball and I noticed the puzzled look on their face as to why I was "wasting my time" doing that for them. I took a moment to say hi to them when I gave them the ball and smile every chance I got and they took the chance to ask me for some change to play a real game of air hockey. We only had a game card and so I couldn't give them any change but I invited them to play with our boys at the game we were waiting in line for. They agreed and all four boys played their hearts out. While Micah, Ben, Mitko and Rauko were having a great time, I went and bought Burger King for everyone. We all sat down for dinner and I noticed the oldest boy take a bite out of the burger, then a chicken nugget and then a french fries. It was as if he couldn't decide what to eat first and feared getting too full before he was able to enjoy the taste of everything. Mitko told me about his 6 sisters and 3 brothers at home and I told him I had a lot of children too. He looked confused at that statement and then asked if my other children were at home. I told him they were at home with God. It never ceases to amaze me how God can use our biggest heart aches to turn other hearts to Him when we allow ourselves to choose to use our grief for His glory. As Mitko listened he began to see me as a human rather than just an American. Mitko said he believed in God but he didn't go to church. Dinner was coming to an end and Mitko became insistent on telling me something and this is where my language hit a brick wall. To my shame I assumed he was asking me for money for his family. He was using hand motions and repeating the same thing over and over. When I told him that I couldn't give him money I very clearly understood his body language of frustration with me and the sentence "I am not asking you for money." I was embarrassed! I asked Cameron to call a Bulgarian brother in Christ and get him to translate for me. Our friend translated to me that Mitko was saying "Just like God doesn't like us to waste anything; I don't like to waste either." He didn't want me to throw away any leftovers but instead wanted to take them home to his family! Talk about feeling worse! At that moment I wanted to apologize and give him all my money! lol Since our friend was on the phone I wanted to invite him and his brother to church with us on Sunday. Our friend translated the request and told him to meet us at the mall at 10:30. Mitko said "Maybe. Probably not." We told him whether he came or not, we would be there waiting. On Sunday Mitko and Rauko were waiting for us! =D After church I asked them if they would want to come again and Mitko said "Maybe. Probably not" =) So once again we will pray and see if they meet us on Sunday.

As I said in the beginning of this post it had been a horrible day but each day we all have a question to answer: "Will I be a watchman or will I watch myself?"
Judgment is coming. Our Lord will return and the Bible says that EVERYONE will stand before the judgment seat of Christ. There are some who find comfort in denying Hell's existence but there is no way of getting around it in scripture. We know there is eternal life and there is eternal death and the sword of judgment is coming to separate those who are covered under the grace of Jesus Christ forgiveness and faith in Him and those who cover their eyes and ears to the truth of God's Word. To be blunt the last three weeks in Bulgaria have been the hardest and we have cried a lot, but it does not excuse us from being the watchman God calls us to be and overlook sharing the truth with those who have not been told.
"If the watchman sees the sword coming but doesn't blow the trumpet, so that the people aren't warned, and the sword comes and takes away their lives, then they have been taken away because of their iniquity, BUT I will hold the watchman accountable for their blood." Ezekiel 33:6
We had lifted the issues of the day to God in prayer before we left the house and felt His peace cover us and assure us everything would be okay. It would have been easy to continue to wallow in the situation as I have done so many times before and miss what God was doing right in front of me but it is in those times I am not allowing God's grace to be sufficient for me. Pray that there is never a day I spend so focused on me that I miss an opportunity to share Him with others. Only God is the great "I AM" and so when I find myself defending my day's choices with "But I am..." I need to ask myself which 'I AM' I am serving that day. In the game room I almost said "But I am sad" "But I am going through something right now" and the list could have continued. Praise God for a heart that says "You are and by your grace and as your child you are the only I AM I will serve today and I know Your grace is sufficient in this moment!"